I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
