You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
