I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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