I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Even my vagina gasped.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
