I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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