he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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