Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
