erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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