You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
