If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize