All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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