i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
