I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
