I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
