First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
