really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
