happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize