he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
