got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
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And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
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I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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