You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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