Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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