she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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