oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
