This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
