it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
