you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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