i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
