dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
try lime green
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.