We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
