Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
