Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
