there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
