You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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