you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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