You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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