I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize