I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
