he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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