I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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