I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
