Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
