After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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