You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
