And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
