i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
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while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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