i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
