I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
