Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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