i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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