He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
