Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
