How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
