I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
