that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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