My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
