i'm signing you up for texting rehab
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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