One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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