lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
