can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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