Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Pooping to opera.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
