so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
