It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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