Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
