FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
