Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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