We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
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Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
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So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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