David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
