im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You've changed since you got that strap on
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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