Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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