I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
