You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
