Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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