Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
