I want to have your abortion
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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