I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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