She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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