dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
