you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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