I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I supernannyed him into submission
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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