So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
